A scene in the film Me and You and Everyone We Know—a quirky love story about a lonely shoe salesman and an equally lonely artist—shows the artist in the store where the salesman works, waiting while a friend shops.

The shoe salesman glances at the artist’s shoes and asks, “Are those comfortable?”

She says, “I guess so. I mean, they kind of rub my ankles, but all shoes do that. I have low ankles.”

He looks her in the eye and says, “You think you deserve that pain, but you don’t.”

You think you deserve that pain, but you don’t.

Too many of us go through life quietly enduring things that make us unhappy. We tolerate jobs that cut into our well-being. We stay in roles that rub and chafe and wear away at our happiness. In short, we settle.

A few years ago, while eating lunch with my colleagues in our corporate cafeteria, I looked around the room at everyone and then turned to my coworker. I asked, “Do you think these people are happy?”

He replied, “Right now they are.”

“In general, though,” I said. “Do you think they’re happy?”

He stared at me. “Do you really think anybody is happy with their job?”

And there it was.

We grow up dreaming of being astronauts and princesses. We’re told we can achieve anything we want. We’re promised the world and permitted to dream beyond its limits. But at some point along the way, we abandon the concept of happiness completely. We build lifestyles of cubicles and commutes. We do what we think we should.

And then we wake up on Monday morning filled with dread and think it would be ludicrous to expect otherwise.

“Nobody likes their job,” we justify, “so I shouldn’t expect to, either.”

The salesman in the film goes on to say, “People think foot pain is a fact of life. Life is actually better than that.”

The artist’s friend adds, “Your whole life could be better, starting right now.”

Your whole life can be better.

You deserve to face Monday with something more than despair. You deserve to feel excited about something more than Friday evening. You deserve to love your job. You deserve to feel that your happiness still counts. Because it does.

Happiness should be a standard that life decisions are measured against, and any decision that undermines your happiness should be regarded as a poor one.

Don’t bind yourself up in a mortgage if you’re going to use it as an excuse to stay in a job you hate. Don’t move to a city you hate for a job you hate just because it pays well. Don’t arrange your life so that you work an hour from home if you’re going to spend the commute missing your children grow up.

Do not settle for shoes that hurt your feet.

Do not justify a job that pains you in other ways.

Happiness is a basic necessity. Expect happiness — and then figure out how to get it.

To borrow one last line from the movie, “I am prepared for amazing things to happen.”

I deserve it. You do, too.

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During sorority recruitment, we often touted the future potential of networking as an alumni member as a benefit of joining a sorority. We kind of threw this in for the more “serious” types, who needed a more lofty reason to join a sorority than matching sweatshirts and date dashes. I knew a sorority sister could help set me up with a formal date, but I never really imagined them setting me up with a job. I have actually had the same girl from my sorority help me obtain not one, but two jobs.

I have experienced first-hand the power of this alumni network, and thought how many other girls could benefit from this type of network. A lot of girls think that sorority connections end at college, even though we sing about our lifelong bonds. I now realize how that network and these connections are very real and powerful for helping women find internships, jobs, roommates and more, especially in the current economic climate.

LinkedIn

I joined the national group for my sorority on LinkedIn, but realized that while it was helpful for job hunts in new cities and random mass requests, it wasn’t going to be as powerful a resource as I wanted. I decided to take things into my own hands and create a LinkedIn group specifically for my own chapter. I encouraged the girls to invite other alumni and current members to join in the hopes of fostering communication regarding job openings, internships, etc. I also hoped it could be a forum to discuss the specifics of certain careers, grad school advice, and any other wisdom that would be beneficial to a younger group of girls. Within minutes of creating the group, a job posting was listed! I also reached out to a friend’s younger sister, who is currently in the chapter. I asked her to announce the group at their next meeting and to encourage the girls to join. I wish I had something like this group while I was job hunting straight out of college!

Facebook

While Facebook is definitely more of a social tool compared to LinkedIn, it’s still a great resource for keeping in touch with people. You probably belong to a group created while you were in college that listed various events going on, etc. Now is the time to take a look and see where your sorority sisters are. Maybe someone lives in a city that you are hoping to get a job in, or works for a company where you’d like to be hired. You might see that they are friends with someone who you want to meet and they can easily make the introduction. Just keep in mind that Facebook groups and messaging are more personal than they are business-related. You might want to send someone an email or look them up on LinkedIn if you don’t really know them well and the message is strictly professional.

National Sorority Website

Most sororities these days have advanced websites for their current members and alumni to join. If you just moved to a new city, you can locate a local chapter and get involved with them. These new connections could help you find a job or instruct you on the best way to get hired in their city. Bonus: You might also make some friends! Also, most sororities have newsletters that they send out to their alumni. You could submit your information and list the type of job you are looking for and see if anyone reaches out to you.

Online networking is a great resource for alumni and current members. If you were in a sorority in college, I highly recommend you take advantage of these built-in connections. You already paid your dues, now reap some benefits!

How do you ensure you keep connected to your networks? Share your tips in the comments!

Ask Kelly Hoey, Co-founder and Managing Director of Women Innovate Mobile, how she stays in touch with her network!

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As companies increasingly flatten (less middle management), many emerging leaders have a yearning to manage direct reports but are told it could be years until that is a possibility. What is an aspiring Arianna Huffington, Hilary Clinton, or Oprah Winfrey to do in this situation?

Work on developing your influencing power today with your peers, your boss, and your colleagues beyond your organization. This way you will be best positioned for management responsibilities when the time is right.

How do you develop your influencing power?

Follow my model, Your Power Bank—a framework for strategically influencing throughout and beyond organizations.

Your Power Bank is your collective history with your co-workers, encompassing the trust you have earned, the competence you have demonstrated, the relationships you have built, the values you share, and the favors you have exchanged.

To gauge the potency of Your Power Bank, you must ask yourself this question:

Do your peers and/or your boss respect your character and competence in a given situation?

If the answer is yes, then that means you have a high level of credit with them in Your Power Bank, thus reflecting a strong level of personal power within the relationship.

If the answer is no, then reflect on these ways that you can establish greater credit in Your Power Bank and strengthen your personal power today. Identify three people who are critical for your continued career success. Within each of those relationships, try to identify two of the following attributes of Your Power Bank that you want to work on strengthening. Do this activity with a friend, and peer-coach one another along the way.

Personal Attributes

The way you present yourself, your drive, the credibility you have built with co-workers.

• TIP: Make sure your actions always are in alignment with your words. Do you do what you say? Are you a person who is reliable?

Demonstrated Competence

Your reputation as an expert in your field; your track record for getting things done.

• TIP: Do you have a niche? If not, work towards developing your expertise in a specific area of your work and let it be known.

Working Relationships

The relationships you build; maintaining regular, open communication; seeking to understand co-workers’ needs.

• TIP: Do you have open and honest conversations with your co-workers on how you are working together?

Shared Norms and Values

Your overlapping values and norms that serve to transcend boundary differences.

• TIP: Work to uncover common interests and passions you share with those you work with. Invite them to related events outside of work.

Exchange of Favors

Going out of your way to help others. When resources are scarce, managers are more likely to get what they need if they help co-workers get what they need. These kinds of behaviors won’t last long if not reciprocated.

• TIP: If you can spare the time, offer to help out a co-worker who is behind deadline with a project. Look to make connections for your community for no other reason then it being a good thing to do for others.

Your ability to influence others will be severely limited if you have little “in the bank” with those most critical for your career success. You have to invest to withdraw, just like a bank.

What are your tips for being an influencer? Share them in the comments!

Ask Sallie Krawcheck Past President of Bank of America Merrill Lynch, for her tips on becoming an influencer!

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It’s finally here. Summer is just around the corner which means, for many of us, Summer Fridays are coming into play. For adults, Summer Fridays are pretty much the equivalent of Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory (minus all that gratuitous killing of innocent children). For some offices they let you take off every or every other Friday, some let out at noon, some permit a more casual dress code, etc. We will talk about how to prepare for Summer Fridays, but before you go out and buy your summer clothes, I think we need to talk about what you can and cannot wear to the office on casual Friday.

The thing is, sometimes people interpret “casual” as “my audition outfit for The Jersey Shore.” And please don’t think I am talking down to you. One summer, on a particularly hot day, I was scrambling for something to wear because I was in the middle of moving and tired, so I put on this cute little flimsy sundress—though I feel like the term “dress” is a little bit generous. It was essentially a beach cover-up. Surprisingly, though, my boss wasn’t upset about that. He was more concerned with my choice of footwear: a gold thong sandal. This shows dress code can change in every office. If you work in fashion, it may be absolutely fine for you to wear a bralet and jean shorts. If you’re a lawyer, that probably is not going to fly.

If you aren’t sure, we say stick to this list:

1. Sunglasses inside

You aren’t a celebrity (and they look silly too), so save the aviators and the wayfarers for your lunch outside. Even if you put them on your head it just connotes casualness. Plus, if you’re like me, you will spend five minutes looking for them when you actually need them because you forgot they were on your head.

2. Flip-flops

Now, like most Americans I am completely devoted to my flip-flops and wear them for fine dining in the summer. But if you think about flip-flops, they are truly the most casual of shoes. They were too casual to even get the name “sandal.”

And I get that flip-flops have become like a part of society. See, years ago they were really only thought of as beach shoes, but then, somewhere in the ’90s when a lot of weird stuff started happening, flip-flops evolved from strictly a beach shoe and shower shoe to a college campus shoe. I would have to say the biggest moment for flip-flops was when the Northwestern Women’s Lacrosse team all wore flip-flops to the White House. They were photographed with President Bush wearing cute skirts and tops and flippers (yup, because flip-flops was too hard to say). So many people thought that if you were dressed up on top you could get away with wearing flip-flops.

Well, not so much.“Flip-flops are for the pool, the beach and barbeques. I’m all for comfort, but there are plenty of comfortable, stylish shoe alternative that will help you look polished and professional. Your co-workers will thank you,” says Diana Baros, founder and editor of The Budget Babe. Plus, flip-flops can be noisy and a little smelly. And as someone who insisted on putting on flip-flops the moment I left the office and then proceeded to walk around New York City for hours, I can’t say the stress fracture and toe infection I had were worth it.

3. Short shorts

We are going to delve into what I like to call “The Great Shorts Debate” soon, but with shorts you really need to read the environment of your office. If it is a hip, young startup, go for it. But I will even say make sure they are nice-looking shorts and not your jean cut-offs. If you are worried, maybe wear a longer Bermuda short and see how that goes.

4. Crop tops

Now, usually this isn’t that much of an issue except right now crop tops are at the height of fashion. If you have a flat stomach either because you’ve been doing your crunches religiously or you were just blessed with good genes, I say congrats! But don’t show them off inside the office!

5. See-through anything

We know it is going to be really hot this summer because the earth is definitely dying, and yes, that pretty-much-see-through white blouse sounds like the only thing you may not sweat in, but the entire office does not need to see your physical assets—just your professional ones.

6. Rompers

Sadly, rompers have become a summer staple in the last few years. It’s like someone said, “You know who always looks chic? Babies in their onesies. Let’s make them for grownups.” A few brands have very cute ones, but rompers still fall in that weird gray area between a tiny dress and a tiny pair of shorts.

Plus, there are just a few basic problems. Rompers tend to confuse people. They don’t understand that the shorts and top are connected or why you would voluntarily choose to wear something called a romper. This should not be the subject of a business meeting.

Also, you have to get pretty much completely naked every time you go to the bathroom. Any outfit that requires you to strip down almost completely just seems not work appropriate.

7. Flimsy dresses

Again, it depends on your office, but we all know the difference between a flimsy dress and a good dress in which you don’t have to worry about having a major Marilyn Monroe moment if you step over a grate, stand near a fan, or walk too fast. Also, most offices in the summer tend to be freezing so you are going to end up having to add seven layers to that dress anyway.

What other fashion faux pas should you avoid on Summer Fridays? Tell us in the comments!

Ask Dustee Jenkins, Vice President of Public Relations at Target, about what rules you should keep in mind when dressing for work in the summer!

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Old-time etiquette rules say to avoid topics regarding politics, money, or religion when you are at a dinner party, out with colleagues, or practically any situation in which you are with people whose values and beliefs you either don’t know or know you don’t agree with. This is to avoid being the offender or the offended, ultimately dodging awkward situations. That old rule of thumb may be most important to remember when you are in an office environment—and that goes for whether you are physically in the office or at a work function outside the office.

However, social networks have thrown a curveball into the mix of do’s and don’ts of social and professional etiquette standards. In fact, I’d say it’s a challenge to avoid exposure to controversial topics and how your colleagues feel about them. So what do you do when you are faced with ethical, political, and cultural differences amongst your colleagues?

The professional environment is not the same as a classroom where you are encouraged (hopefully) to challenge your personal beliefs and listen to others. You can’t treat your colleagues the way you would your teachers or your parents or your friends. However, Facebook and Twitter have become a digital platform for debate with a specific slot to even state how you feel at that moment or what you’re thinking about. Most articles make it easy for you to share to your personal page or profile; the difference is that you’re posting your beliefs for all of your “friends” or “followers” to see and that may include your boss, colleagues, or employees. This creates two potentially awkward situations: You offend someone and they look at you or treat you differently because of it, or you are offended by someone else and you look at them and treat them differently.

In a recent article published in The Atlantic titled “Sex, Morality, and Modernity: Can Immanuel Kant Unite Us?”, author Connor Friedersdorf discusses the value of debate but also how debate amongst strangers “can be wider and more difficult to navigate because there is no history of love and mutual goodwill as a foundation for trust.” This is incredibly important to keep in mind when you are managing the exposure of your personal beliefs to your audience (friends, followers, etc.). Keep in mind that what you post about is going to be a direct reflection of who you are to people who don’t really know who you are. For colleagues that only know you within the confines of your office walls, this will be their only glimpse into the “real you.” I would not tell you to avoid posting about controversial topics because I do value the voice that social networks have given to the individual. However, I would advise you to manage the circles within each of these networks. Facebook allows you to create groups and control which of those can see your post. Twitter and Instagram allow you to make your profile private as well as require permission in order to follow you. Utilize the privacy settings as best as you can.

Think about what you would talk about with your friends and parents and what you wouldn’t bring up in a team meeting or a conference call. Another option if you are a passionate about a specific topic is to create a blog separate from your Facebook statuses or Tweets where you can post freely. This way someone has to choose to link outside of their feed in order to read what you have to say, as opposed to being barraged with it in your status updates.

On the other hand, what do you do when a co-worker or a colleague posts about their beliefs in something that you fundamentally disagree with? Is it fair to judge a co-worker for what they post on their social networks? Shouldn’t we just be looking at the work we produce and only that? Unfortunately, human nature doesn’t allow us to pick and choose what informs our opinions on people. I would give you two pieces of advice: The first would be to block people who you find offensive from your feed. Exposing yourself to their status updates, or the articles they post, or the images they share is only going aggravate you and will ultimately spill into how you treat them in person when you have to work with them.

Lastly, my advice in almost every situation is to play devil’s advocate with yourself before you jump to conclusions or find yourself judging someone else. It could be possible that they have valid points, an interesting argument, or simply are looking at a situation in a way you never thought to before. In the words of Frierderdorf, “I’ve learned the most from disagreeing with people I respect (and even people I don’t).”

How do you handle cultural, ethical, or political differences at work? Tell us in the comments!

Ask Tiffany Dufu, Chief Leadership Officer at Levo League, for her advice on how to handle cultural, ethical, or political differences at work!

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You want to throw an amazing party that will be easy to plan, fun to host, and leave your guests wanting to come back again and again. The problem? As modern women (and men), we simply don’t have the time to run all over the place collecting the right materials to create the perfect party. From crafting personal decorations to having beautiful and tasty appetizers on the table, pulling together this kind of experience is not a talent held by everyone.

This is where Revelry House steps in. They’re young, and they’ve come a long way in the one-year since Co-founders Christianne Amodio and Lauren Bosworth moved from the sunny west coast to New York City to launch their company. Their goal is simple: Revelry House is designed to enable women to throw parties more successfully.

As Amodio and Bosworth grow Revelry House, they are focusing on building a team that lives and breathes the brand as much as they do. They’re focused on creating a company culture that is inspired by new recipes, a love of hosting family and friends at home, a the belief in the combination of fashion and lifestyle to serve others.

“We believe in hard work. We believe in being incredibly detail oriented… We all need to learn how to do a little bit of everything perfectly. What we’re building is really fun and exciting, and we’ll hire the hard workers we need to get there.” —Christianne Amodio

Part of this is building a team that values the same kind of camaraderie that Amodio and Bosworth find extremely important, such as roundtable discussions. They’re looking for those with the talent and passion needed to accelerate the brand, and are seeking people who aren’t afraid to think outside of the box in order to do so. They aren’t focusing on a candidate’s age or background, but rather on that intangible touch.

An important part of the Revelry brand culture is the underlying fact that Amodio and Bosworth are building a brand that represents who they are as individuals outside of work. Rather than being chained to a desk for 10 hours a day, they’re creating an atmosphere not uncommon to many other startups.

“We’re a very forward-thinking company. You can work for a couple of hours on Saturday and get a head start to your week… When you work all the time, you can also take an hour out of your time on Wednesday night to watch Nashville. It’s a combination of being available and enjoying time for yourself when you need to take it.” —Lauren Bosworth

Over the past year, Amodio and Bosworth have provided tips and tricks for throwing successful and easy gatherings. As they come upon their one year anniversary, they’re proud to announce the launch of their first product, a July Fourth party-in-a-box. With all the resources you need to host the perfect Fourth of July celebration, including the sparklers, they’ve designed the party-in-a-box to give you everything you need to create photographic memories.

“We want to give women a Cinderella moment. Old school glamor meets the modern host or hostess. It’s totally possible to do it all if you have the right tools.” —Lauren Bosworth

Say hi to Revelry House on their Instagram and Twitter @revelryhouse

Want to intern with Revelry House this summer? Apply here!

Photos courtesy of: Sasha Israel Photography and Brecht Vanthof

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List writing is generally very therapeutic. Not only does it help to rid the mind of clutter, it also brings everything that needs to be done into plain sight.

For most people, having a to-do list is essential to making the best use of time. From dailies to weeklies to monthlies, whatever the frequency, a list is a surefire way to draw a map from your present state to an overall goal or set of goals.

I love writing lists; it’s akin to a breath of fresh air to my brain. Suddenly I don’t feel as stressed out once I have things jotted down in a to-do list. However, sometimes even I feel burned out with my lists. This happens when I have pencilled in more than I am physically, or practically, able to achieve. I have now come to recognize that there are certain tips necessary to move from being a list maker to a list ticker. Prioritizing is at the center of this. A lot of times we are deceived into thinking we’ve prioritized simply because we’ve made a list. That’s not completely true; a list should be carefully thought out, and not just a random offload of every single thing on your mind. I mean, it’s okay to start there, but to be effective, you’d have to move from there.

Be More Specific

Vagueness does nothing but create additional, or worse, hidden work for your schedule. You can break huge goals/tasks into smaller, achievable and measurable tasks over a period of time. For example, making time to reply to emails or return phone calls. If you can set out an hour in the day to do that, that’s great. But sometimes even an hour is not nearly enough, especially if you’re returning calls of friends and family. This is where time spent in transit comes in. Drafting emails while you’re on a train, plane, or other vehicle could save you at least 15 minutes daily.

Be Practical With Time Allocation

Very closely related to the above point is practicality. This is in fact central to prioritizing your to-do list. Be aware of how much time you have, and set realistic time-bound goals. How much time would you really require to complete that task? Pencil it into your diary or notebook that way. I found that one of the things that frustrated my schedule was allocating shorter time to things that would eventually require a bigger commitment from me. For example, setting two hours to writing a report that eventually takes four hours.

Arrange Tasks in Order of Importance

This is where your personal responsibilities or value system comes in. List tasks in order of what is most important to you, your work commitments, and your lifestyle. This is purely relative to each person. I tend to arrange my lists in order of most important consequence—that is, what’s most affected if this gets done or not. It helps me realize what’s most important as well as enables me live out my value system.

Delegate Wherever Possible

Delegation is very difficult for type-A planners. I should know that from experience. But sometimes, to be most effective, you have to depend on others to get things done. There’s always someone who is better than you at at least one thing; it may be worth liaising with them to get things done as opposed to overloading your schedule with unnecessary tasks.

Allow Ample Time for Unplanned Circumstances

This is self-explanatory. Always have a contingency plan and give time to making sure it can be carried out. Things don’t always go as planned, and it’s realistic to set out time on your list should plans fall through.

Make the Best Use of Technology

It’s one of the best ways to live in synchrony. Apps like Evernote, Passbook, and Wunderlist go a long way in making lists and achieving them. Other utilities like Calendar, Reminder, and Outlook are also very helpful. I am a big Wunderlist user, and few things feel as good as crossing off an accomplished task.

Don’t get consumed with responsibilities or with planning your time and never really getting much done. Be practical and time-conscious with your list making, and you’re bound to get results.

What other ways do you prioritize your to-do lists? Tell us in the comments!

Ask Gerri Elliott, EVP and Chief of Sales at Juniper Networks, how she prioritizes her to-do list!

Photo courtesy of Mimi + Meg

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There has been a lot of hullabaloo this week about the subject of women hugging too much at work. Apparently embracing your co-workers when you are a female human is not good for your career. Men shake hands. And wear suits. And grill things. Women hug. And wear pink. And like flowers. Handshakes: good. Hugs: bad. Has it come to this?

But actually, it is a good topic to bring up and a bit of a complex one. In a post for Medium, journalist and founder of Contently Shane Snow said he gets very stressed when it comes to hugging his female colleagues and business acquaintances. He wrote:

“With females, I feel like I’m trapped between two walls of a deep-space garbage compactor. On the first meeting, we shake hands. Easy. But the next time we cross paths? Is a handshake now too formal (especially if we got along well in the first meeting)? Will a hug be awkward? What if the answer to both is ‘yes’?! Maybe I am taking too long to react to her ‘hello’ and am starting to look like a robot. Maybe my mental hug-or-handshake calculation is manifesting in a frightening way on my face. Maybe I have something in my teeth. Maybe I should pull the fire alarm, so I can get out of here.”

Wow. That does sound pretty stressful. And you never want to get lost in the awkward space where you end up, like, shaking the person (watch Just Friends for one of the best examples), or doing that ever-so-awkward do-we-hug-or-handshake dance. (If you do find yourself in one of these, I say just pretend you are actually dancing; people will think you are odd, but sometimes odd is better than awkward. Odd people die of embarrassment less often.)

Now, I am on the fence when it comes to this subject. I myself am not a big hugger, but I support people who hug (hey people, hugs not drugs). But I don’t know if it is that professional. But that depends on where you work. You probably shouldn’t hug your co-counsel right after you win a big case in the middle of the courtroom, but in an intimate startup, hugging is not frowned upon. Well, this wasn’t very helpful.

But I think it is an interesting point that women who hug a lot at work may be viewed as weaker. We have talked about body language that can automatically make you come off as less powerful (big hand gestures, posture, head tilts), but is a hug included in this group?

Dr. Carol Kinsey Goman, leadership blogger for Forbes and author of The Silent Language of Leaders: How Body Language Can Help—or Hurt—How You Lead, who is actually helpful, told Levo why women should go for a handshake instead of a hug:

“Touch is the most primitive and powerful nonverbal signal. Physical touch and warmth are established through the handshaking tradition, and this tactile contact makes a lasting impression. It may well be what someone remembers most about meeting you. The thing to keep in mind is that the purpose of a handshake is to greet someone or say good-bye or express congratulations or to signal agreement on a deal. As such, it should be perceived as warm, friendly, and sincere.

“People with ‘good’ handshakes (firm, web-to-web, palm-to-palm) are evaluated as being extroverted and emotionally expressive. And this is especially important for in the workplace—because women with firm handshakes are evaluated as positively as men.”

All of these are good points, but I think you need to read the room. Sometimes a handshake will not suffice when a big accomplishment has occurred. But when meeting someone for only the second time, a hug may not be necessary. Then again, in certain cultures you are expected to kiss people on the cheeks when you meet them, no matter what sex they are. Perhaps there are some people who overdo it on the hugging, but I do not think hugs need to be outlawed in the workplace. And sometimes you really need a hug.

What do you think: handshakes or hugs? Tell us in the comments!

Ask Kelly Hoey, Co-founder and Managing Director of Women Innovate Mobile, for her advice on giving a firm, professional handshake!

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As a feng shui consultant, I help others create balance within their physical (external) spaces. As a life-coach, I help people apply these principles to themselves and different aspects of their lives, such as relationships, career, health, etc. It should be no surprise then that these principles can also be applied to the dynamic we all refer to as the “work/life balance.”

When things get out of balance, there are consequences. If our bodies are out of balance, it is more likely that we will experience pain, discomfort or disease. If our relationships get out of balance then symptoms can arise which suddenly demand our attention. If our homes get out of balance, we often feel the difference even if that is happening on a more subtle level. If our work lives get out of balance, we can be overwhelmed, criticized or even worse, fired. The good news is, that when things are out of balance, life has a way of getting our attention.

If you are noticing any areas of your own life that feel slightly out of balance, here are some simple ways I’ve found to get things back into alignment in a hurry.

The first thing to do is CREATE A PICTURE of what your entire ideal life looks like. It is often said that we get what we aim at. We all know people who aim solely at one part of their lives, (like career), and start to get some activity going there, but it ends up being at the expense of their relationships. Or we focus on other people and it ends up being at the expense of our health. Make a list, create a vision board or collect images of this life on Pinterest.We must start to visualize all of these areas at the same time and aim toward that. Start daydreaming immediately. Make a list, create a vision board or just start collecting images of this life on Pinterest. Having a clear vision of the whole picture will help you take aim at the life you’re dreaming about.

Next, seek to ELIMINATE anything in your life which no longer serves this vision. This might include old thought patterns of not having enough time to do everything, it might mean letting go of certain relationships. It might just mean starting with acceptance about the way life exists now, today, in this moment. It may mean making physical space in your home, or it getting into the muck and forgiving something, or someone, you’ve been holding onto for years. This will free up extra energy to manifest your vision. They say you can’t pick up something new in your life unless you put down what you are holding onto.

Now, REFRAME your relationship to your problems. Look consciously at what you have instead of what you don’t yet have and contextualize all of your growing pains as opportunities. Realize that everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle and that you, more than anyone, deserve the benefit of the doubt. By creating a positive context for your life, you waste less time being irritated, frustrated and depressed and you get a lot more done. A little perspective can go a long way.

Lastly, BEAUTIFY your life. This might mean seeking allies who will support your new vision and outlook on life. These can be friends, family, assistants, interns, life coaches or a deeper relationship with the divine. Plan to spend more time in nature so that you can be uplifted by the negative ions that help us feel more clear-headed, BEAUTIFY your life.more energized and more filled with possibility. Listen to music and sing at the top of your lungs because science shows that singing boosts your immune system. At the end of it all, give thanks, because gratitude seems to draw more things into our lives which make us want to give thanks.

Please, be gentle with yourself. We are, all of us, doing the best we can under the circumstances of our lives. I hope that some of these thoughts will help inspire you to new ways of thinking and perhaps new action as well. If you find that you need any additional support, I hope you won’t hesitate to reach out. Many blessings on your journey.

This post was written by Ariel Joseph Towne and was originally published on Move LifeStyle.

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Joey: Everybody’s doing stuff!
Chandler: And we just sit here. I mean, if I die, the only way people would even know I was here would be by the ass print on this chair! Look, we have to do something. Okay? Something huge!
Joey: (snaps his fingers) We could climb Mt. Everest!
Chandler: No no, not something stupid, something huge.
Joey: No-no-no-no-no, I saw an ad for this video, people climb that thing everyday! We could totally do that!
Chandler: Why not?! I mean, it’s just, it’s just climbing! It’s just, it’s just steep!
Joey: Yeah!
Chandler: We´re going to Everest! Okay, it would be nice to leave an ass print on Everest!
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Joey: Hey!
Phoebe: What-what’s up?
Joey: We’re gonna climb Mt. Everest!
Chandler: Yeah baby!
Phoebe: Really?! I looked into that. Yeah, but, I mean it costs like $60,000 and y’know you can die. And, you would die!

The above was one of my favorite scenes from Friends because I think it encapsulates that feeling we all have of wanting to do something meaningful with our lives, like risking our lives to climb a mountain. Yes, we can do meaningful things in our careers, but I am talking about that moment where you really, really challenge yourself to do the unthinkable. Maybe it is running a marathon, maybe traveling to a third world country, maybe doing a headstand in yoga (did that last week for two whole seconds #bucketlist). It is different for everyone. And for Caroline McCarthy, it was climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro.

McCarthy is a former journalist and ex-Googler currently striking out on her own as a consultant, working with clients on narrative-based marketing like branded content and events. She has done her fair share of traveling and challenging tasks herself, but the girl still thought life wasn’t exciting enough. We were lucky enough to chat with her before her next adventure.

Why did you to decide to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro?

Describe how the trip worked. How do you even get to the mountain? 

It’s actually much easier to get to Mt. Kilimanjaro than I assumed it would be. There’s a sizable airport right near the mountain—Kilimanjaro International Airport—and while no airlines fly direct from the U.S., both KLM and Turkish fly from New York with only one stopover, and there are similar options for a few other big U.S. cities.

But that’s the boring part. The real reason why we were there, and why the trip was structured the way it was, was because the non-profit group in question, Ladies Trekking, is working on a book project of inspirational essays by female mountaineers whose proceeds will support its mission of connecting women who love the outdoors with supporting education for underprivileged kids, especially girls, in the areas where they climb. That’s a big problem in countries like Tanzania where outdoors tourism brings a lot of money and attention, but the majority of the population doesn’t see any real benefit from it. So we were a group of international women who were climbing the mountain together and fundraising together to kick off production on this book, Dreamers & Doers. It’s going to be published in the fall.

We also took a day after the hike to visit some of the schools that Ladies Trekking is actively supporting—the Maroroni Primary School, the first of ideally many primary schools where they will be donating textbooks, and the MWEDO Girls Secondary School, where they are funding scholarships for ten girls. I know the internet has “democratized” social enterprise and non-profit work in so many ways through micro-donations and Twitter campaigns and what have you, but there is really nothing like meeting the people with whom you’re working face-to-face. In Ladies Trekking’s case it’s like, “You have this amazing, gorgeous country and we want to say thank you for allowing us to experience it.”

What was the best part of this for you?

Kilimanjaro’s a unique experience, but it’s particularly unique when you’re in the company of ten other women from all over the world. I was hiking in the company of really incredible women from countries from which I’d literally never met anyone before, including Theresia Ismaili Majuka, who is now (to our knowledge) the first woman from the local Maasai tribe to ever make it to the summit of Kilimanjaro. You learn stories and you forge connections in ways you never thought possible.

What was the worst or most difficult part for you?

The second to the last day. This was the day when we ascended from 12,000 to 15,000 feet—we hadn’t yet gone above about 13,000 in the first five days so that we could acclimatize. We were slated to finish in the mid-afternoon and then would go to bed early so that we could wake up to start the summit climb at midnight. So, knowing that we had a bad night of sleep ahead of us was discouraging enough. I also found that 3,000-foot climb to be incredibly exhausting, and a bunch of the other women on the trip seemed to get through it with no problem whatsoever. I felt pretty defeated. I was getting concerned that this spelled bad news with regard to my ability to actually make it to the summit. But then, you know, you wind up in a tent camp at a windy, freezing 15,000 feet of elevation and you’re like, “Well, I could chicken out, but I’ve made it this far, so what the hell?” And that’s what it came to, more or less.

Would you do it again?

Totally. But not until I’ve finished my current mountain-climbing goal, which is a little bit closer to home and lower to the ground: making it to the top of all 35 3,500-foot “mountains” in the Catskills. Some of them don’t even have trails to the top, so there’s an added bit of strategic fun there. I’m going to have to get way better at using a compass.

Any career lessons climbing a mountain can teach you?

So, so many. But I’ll distill it down to one. The number one lesson of climbing mountains and pushing yourself physically like that in rather unnatural environments and elevations is that you need to listen to your body. If something’s wrong, you have to make a really quick decision as to whether it’s something where you think you can adapt or whether it’s a situation where you need to speak up and let it be known that something’s wrong. But you also have to be willing to understand that you’re part of a team and that there might be other people who depend on you. Thankfully, while climbing, I was ultimately fine physically. But in the corporate world, no matter where you fall in the pecking order, you’re looking out for yourself and your job, and you have to learn how to listen to yourself, too—I learned on the slopes of Kilimanjaro about balancing a team dynamic with understanding yourself and your needs and being willing to speak up about it. And I already see that playing out in the workforce for me.

Support the production of Dreamers & Doers on Indiegogo!

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